I’ve always prided myself on the person I knew I was. I knew I was a head-strong, rebellious kind of girl. I was well put together on the outside and tried not to wear my heart on my sleeve because I didn’t want anyone to have the insight I knew they would if I did. I may have been well put together on the outside, but on the inside I was a wreck.
I knew I had emotional problems. I let people, specifically guys, in too easy. I would trust on a whim and fall far too hard for the first Tom, Dick, or Harry who showed me the slightest bit of positive attention. I wouldn’t consider myself a whore, but I wasn’t an a Rubik cube. I always fell for the wrong guy and ended up hurt because of my own stupidity, and naivety. Sure, Tom was a “sweet guy” and yeah, Dick was a “real gentleman”, and then of course Harry was the “best friend”. However, I was alone in my own thoughts. Yes, I had friends, and I could always talk to them. I just seemed to talk a lot though. Whenever I was out with my friends, or even in with my friends, the topic always ended up being guys and relationships. Everybody knew how Axe Girl was. I’d get sideways jeers and laughs because it was about Tom and Harry and Tom and Dick and Harry and Tom and Tom and Harry and Dick. While most of my friends didn’t bother themselves with relationships. The few who did were a little more intelligent than I.
Like I said before, I wasn’t a whore. I didn’t go out and party and meet some Joe-shmo and spread my legs like butter. I had a little more class than that. Not much, I’m sad to say, but a little. No, instead of going out to parties and such, I found the “best friend”. That was usually the trick that got me every time. I was hurt over a relationship and I was sad and he was there for me to talk to. I always fell into that trap. There where two main times I fell for that. And both times, I paid for it emotionally afterward.
The first time:
I was young, younger than I would like to admit, but old enough to be in high school. I was in a long term, committed relationship with this guy. It was a long distance relationship and we hardly saw each other because we young, but it a committed one non-the-less. He was going on a trip to Mexico to visit some family. I didn’t even hear about this trip until he was already gone and his sister answered the phone and informed me she had no idea when he was coming back, or even if he was coming back. I was of course distraught. My boyfriend of almost a year just up and leaves with out a single word to me and I’m suppose to just be cool with it?
Anyways, it was during spring break. I was out of school and everything else in my life was grand. I was planning on spending the break with my long term bestie, Rachel, and my new best friend, Ryan.
Here’s where the “best friend” trick comes into the story.
So my best friend Rachel was a complete band nerd. Everything band was everything Rachel. The band was having a fundraiser car wash and I had decided I would help. Well half way through I got bored. I had been messaging Ryan and he had offered for me to watch a movie with him at his place. Sure thing right? No harm in watching a movie with your friend? Well we didn’t watch a movie. I ended up blabbing to him about my relationship problem and how I had pretty much decided to move on. That’s when he popped the question! (and I don’t mean marriage) First I’m sitting on the couch crying the next thing I know he’s asking me to be his girl friend and then the next thing I know I’m doing the sideways tango. None of this would have been so bad if my long term relationship I had “decided to move on from” hadn’t called the next day to tell me he was home. I melted like ice cream on a hot summers day and the next thing I know I have two boyfriends. So now, I’m trying to juggle that with out either finding out and trying to figure out not only which one to get rid of but how.
It was actually a bit easier than I thought it would be. Since one relationship was a long distance thing, I could easily push that out of my mind all day while I was at school and with Ryan. This went on for a bout a week and then I realized it was not only physically draining keeping up with both of them, but mentally. (and no I was not sleeping with them both. I had long since stopped sleeping with my long distance lover) So I knew I had to end it. Not only that, but I was started to get really annoyed. Trust me, if you’re thinking about doing the whole two boyfriend thing, think long and hard about it because it’s irritating putting up with two testosterone driven humans.
Now I’m not sure what me made do what I did, but I have regretted it ever since.
I was out of town for the weekend so I was testosterone free for the most part. Both had decided to text message me all day long, every day I was gone. That was normal for the one, but for Ryan, not so much. I couldn’t put my phone down because if I did when I picked it back up there would be at least three of four messages from each of them. So I devised a plan to get rid of one, I just wasn’t sure still which one it would be. Then my opportunity came when Ryan text messaged me and asked me what was wrong. I acted out of impulse then.
I was so tired of having to deal with both of them that I thought I would rather deal with my long distance relationship than with only Ryan. So I messaged him back and did the most childish thing I could think to do. I pretended I was my girlfriend. (and I don’t mean like best friend). He was heart broken! I felt horrid. Not only did I text message break up with him, but I lied and said it was because I had a girlfriend. That was, I think, the lowest thing I could have done to a person.
(But anyways, the rest of that story is irrelevant right now)
The Second Time:
(Now before I start this one, I just want you to know that here you’ll begin to understand my earlier statement: “I’d get sideways jeers and laughs because it was about Tom and Harry and Tom and Dick and Harry and Tom and Tom and Harry and Dick”)
So, I was a senior in high school now, or was I a junior? No, I was a senior. Anyways, I was dating Ryan. He had graduated the previous year and since he hadn’t gone off to college, he was still way close to me. Now we were older as well, so he had a car and all that stuff.
We had been together almost a year now, well not quite but getting close. We had been having some problems though, see there was another girl. (You may all call this karma but I call it straight up wrong) She was supposedly his best friend and she looked at him “like a brother”. When she said those words to me the words, “yeah right bitch” almost fell out of my mouth. He told me I had no reason to worry, and she in turn said the same. That right there should have been reason enough for me to worry.
Now since this back story isn’t really necessary for my point, I’m leaving it out and saving for a later date.
So like I said we were having problems and I had a friend at school who, yes, was a guy. His name was Trevor. He and I were friends and nothing more than that while Ryan and I were together. I hardly even talked about my problems to Trevor, it was just friendly hanging out and stuff. He knew I had a boyfriend and respected that.
Then that fateful day came. Ryan and I were on a sort of break, or time out I guess. We were taking a beat and I hadn’t talked to him in a few days. I was sitting at the house during spring break when I got a text message from Ryan. Basically he told me we were threw. I lost it. However, not only that day, but a few days later, Trevor came to the rescue. He was best friend shoulder to cry on.
I hit that trap like a bug on a windshield. Not long after the break up were Trevor and I a secret item. I didn’t want the world to know because well, I had just gotten out of a relationship. He didn’t want the world to know , because he wasn’t ready to be called the rebound openly. One minute I’m crying on his shoulder, two weeks later I’m learning I can get dressed really quick when a guys parents are walking in the house.
Axe Girl’s Conclusion:
I had said that in both situations I had paid emotionally for the “best friend” trap. I may not have made those emotional repercussions very clear though. So hear they are :
The first time I fell for the best friend trap, I ended up not only hurting Ryan, but three days later I caught my long distance love cheating on me. You can say I deserved it for what I did, but in my opinion two wrongs don’t make a right.
The second time I fell for the best friend trap, I had started really falling for Trevor and I even went as far as to publicly asking him to prom. He shot me down, saying he wasn’t really ready for a girl friend. Two days later this scum bag is dating one of my friends.
So I’m here to tell you, the “best friend” thing, is nothing but a trap to make is easy for guys to get into your pants. They play your vulnerabilities against you and then strike like a hungry cobra. After the strike, they decide not to eat you, but just leave you to die while the poison slowly spreads through your entire body.