It’s been too long

True true true. 

It’s been far too long since I’ve wrote here. Quick update possibly to follow this blog.

This will not be edited and none of the names will be changed or removed. I sent this message to my best friend but since she won’t be seeing it till this time next year, I am going to post here and see if I can get some answers…

 

 

I want you to know the whole truth because then at least I’m honest with someone. This might be a long read, so grab a glass of water and a sandwich xD

So While I was living at my moms before I moved into Josh’s house I met this Marine, Alex. He was a marine buddy of the neighbors and he became friends with my mom and Denis. He’s only like 24 or 25. He didn’t really come around too often since he was working and such. Well he did come over one time and he seemed pretty nice. I was still with Dylan (you know that) So I didn’t think about doing anything. The neighbors had a hot tub and my mom asked me if I wanted to go over and sit in it with her, the nighbors wife, Denis and maybe Alex.. Well I wasn’t really okay with being around another dude in my swim suite since I was with Dylan. So I told my mom I would grab some short and a tank top and be over. I ended up going over there but not sitting in the hot tub. It was too full of people and I felt really awkward. So I just sat in one of teh porch chairs and smoked a cigarrette with my mom. She got drunk and I walked her home. Then I stayed inside and went on facebook. That was the last time I saw Alex at my moms. I knew he thought I was cute because he told my mom. Well everyone knows she doesn’t like Dylan, but she told him I was dating someone. Then I ended up leaving and going to Josh’s. I heard Alex went back to Afganistan but was coming back soon and I guess he wanted to hang out. I wasn’t sure why but my mom said he needed friends. I didn’t think it was a good idea because I knew Dylan would be super pissed if I went out with another dude. So I said, I was busy and stayed home. Well then I was supposed to go to lunch with my mom and we did, but Denis was there. So I was mad the whole time. They took me home after lunch and that was that. Well my moms phone got shut off and she needed to call me so she called me from some weird number, it was that Alex guys number. He was back and my mom said if I needed to call her I could call her there until my gma got her a phone. I didn’t need her so I never called it. But now that guy had my number. Like a week and half, almost a week ago he sent me a text and asked me if I would hang out with him. He said he knew I had a boyfriend and that was fine, he just wanted to be my friend. Well he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies, but I had plans so I told him no I couldn’t. Then on Easter he asked me again if i would ahng out with him. We could go to Dave and Busters and just play video games and hang out. He knew I wasn’t old enough to drink so he didn’t care. I gave in and said yes. But I told Dylan I went to my aunts hosue that day. We went to D&B and we had dinner. I had chicken and waffles and a dr. pepper. He had some sort of steak and I don’t remember what to drink. Then we played arcade games for a while and he brought me home. He asked me when he dropped me off if he could give me a hug goodbye. I didn’t see the harm in a hug so I said yes. We hugged and I went insde. Then he went to my moms house that night and got drunk I think. I haven’t talked to him since and I don’t plan on it. I felt so bad about going to D&B with him and lying to Dylan about where I was going. The worst part is though, on my birthday I saw Alex (ex boyfriend Alex) while I was out with Dylan. I messaged Alex Fratzke about it and told her that I loved Dylan and wanted to be with Dylan but that there was this other guy Alex and then my ex Alex that I was pretty sure wanted to be with me. She told me maybe I should just be single and date them all (not exclusively so I wasn’t cheating) and see which one I actually want to be with. I know I want to be with Dylan though Sammy. He’s the only one I want to be with. Alex doesn’t mean anything to me and I don’t care about my ex Alex. He’s a scumbag and I just don’t want him in my life ever again.

So Dylan saw some of the messages with Alex on fb and thought I had cheated on him because she said “Don’t date either of them…” so he thought I had cheated. When he confronted me, I told him teh truth, no I was not dating anyone else. Then he told me that he read the messages with my sister and saw that is said I thought Alex (the marine) was cute. So he thought I cheated on him with Alex. Sam I swear on our friendship I never did anything with that guy, but for some reason when I went to Dylan what happend I didn’t tell him about D&B. I told him about a made up time at my moms when I kissed his guy. I incriminated myself! I lied and said I kissed him and now Dylan thinks I cheated on him. ot only that but he thinks I did way more with this guy. I didn’t, I could never cheat on Dylan… Sammy you know I could never do that to him. I love him so much and I really do want to marry him. But now he thinks I cheated on him and since he’s sick now he thinks I slept with this guy and gave him an STD. I do’t have an STD. I never slept with anyone, or kissed anyone else for that matter. I really didn’t do it but now I have myself so far in this hole that I don’t know how to get out. I can’t tell Dylan the real truth because he would never believe me now. So now our whole lives he’s going to think I cheated. What am I supposed to do? I hate myself because I lied and screw myself over and now the love of my freaking life hates me. I want to talk to Alex Fratke about it because I think she might be able to help me, but at the same time I know she is so tired of hearing me talk about Dylan. I wish you were home. Or at least if I had your right email…What am I supposed to do….. Part of me wants to find a way to raise 200 to pay for a lie detector test so I can prove I never did any of those things, but I doubt I can do that. So now I’ve ruined my relationship because I lied too much. I don’t know what to do. I feel like i need to break up with him because I can’t stop lying to him and now my lies are really hurting him . How do I tell him the truth and how will he believe me after all this mess?

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